Illumination- defined as usable light. I am not a preachy man but all of God’s light is usable. Not one flicker is devoted to any useless, unrighteous act. All of the stars in the night sky or even the daytime sun can make the safe path visible at times.
Being the son of a cop, I never got into much trouble. Not unless you count the time I painted the church van after being coaxed by my older brother Lonnie. But my cousin Danny, raised in the cut or get cut streets of a Los Angeles suburb called Bakersfield, stole cars at gunpoint at the dimly lit stop sign of Union Avenue. He tried harder than anyone I know to make a family life for his kids. But, no matter the effort, he ended back up in the alley trying to sell a stolen television or whatever he could get ‘borrow’.
The only person I ever saw with such a deep desire to succeed being crippled by the cold social climate was looking back at me every time I turned on the bathroom light and quickly glanced in the mirror. I was handsome, prominent chin, full beard at 15, supplemented by the high academic scores of grade-school. I treated strangers with respect and locked my tongue with principle and virtue.
But something was missing. At age 12, a family disaster soiled my childhood. Innocence took Highway 4 must have got lost on the return trip. I wish the roadblocks would have stopped happiness from escaping. They were only present in my heart. I was dead inside just wandering around for a glimpse of emotion.
The academic success turned into showing up for class ten days out of a junior-high semester. High-school was worse. I lacked the wit I relied heavily on. I went from slick-rick to something that rhymes. This trait was useless without inner guidance. Maybe I never possessed tact at all. Children are good at receiving forgiveness and false encouragement.
To tell every detail would turn a blog entry into a short-story. So I will talk about the spiritual respite I found in one year of Middle school in another post. It took me years to admit any love for the private Christian school I attended that year. I am sure you’ve noticed the lack of any terms concerning love, emotion, inner-life, or any reason for living at all in stories of these times.
I developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as a way to block painful memories out of heart and mind. Before this I tossed and turned with nightmares. But I wasn’t asleep. It would take 8 years for my rest to come after taking an ironic queue from a life-giving relative. This is another avenue for a later journey.
I could write libraries full of experiences that may never get published. My well-aimed intentions of helping others find God’s grace may never see the light-of-day. Probably because I cloud the sky with plans of a modest life, getting-by income, and finding the only woman I ever loved Christina. My experiences may come across as unimportant and irrelevant. I buy that. But God does not. Ignore me completely, but do not turn your back on LOVE.
I hope to make these random paragraphs make sense in further posts. I will wrap this one up by saying although I was raised in a Baptist church(I like to label myself Christian), I didn’t find Christ’s perfect, wall-busting, sometimes gentle and sometimes tougher way of penetrating the deep dark void, all-knowing love; I should say HIS love didn’t find me for years and never had to search. HE was always watching. THE FATHER knew me before I set foot in the earthy black-top soil of Texas. HE had a plan.
That would seem like a perfect note to stop on. It would leave you caught up on what happens next and the ponderings of that great LOVE. But here I go again pushing my own agenda. I am sitting here typing, blatantly telling you what I am about to do. Yet a man can not shed light on his own short-comings.
You could add some catchy ending phrase like: GOD, shine forth YOUR LOVE, or YOU are my GUIDING LIGHT. But as much as I mean this piece of undeniable truth, It would be here on paper because I read an article on this website stating a good idea was ‘illumination’. That mixed with a burning desire for success gained by self promotion is equally and honestly driven by my care to do GOD’s works. I do have this true plan. Just because I have personal goals does not make me or any similar minded person awful. It does not make any step we take for ourselves RIGHTEOUS either.
I will end by saying GOD, JESUS, and the HOLY SPIRIT can and have illuminated my life in places with no sliver of hope. In places where not even the smallest physical light resided I felt I could clearly see every good feeling, every good thought, and great things you can not even imagine. I experienced this only because of LOVE.
Like I said I placed my own ideas in this story. I have come to realize maybe my plans are GOD’s and HIS are mine. Not to say I am a deity. That is not the case. GOD existed as JESUS, a sinful man(Sin is wrong), while at the same time existed as the perfect faultless CREATOR GOD. This is known by some as a conundrum. The TRUTH lies with the only ONE, GOD, who can understand how HEAVEN exists in a universe full of drugs, affairs, abortion, unnatural intimacy and murder.
Copyright © Dustin Poteet